the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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