She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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