the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
