I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
