There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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