Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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