That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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