Jerry, you need to find god
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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