i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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