So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
