Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
