Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
