if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
