Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize