what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
