you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
