I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize