dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
