oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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