I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
