His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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