then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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