What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
