look no pants
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize