so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
