Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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