Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize