Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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