I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
