i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
