Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
