Porn is love you can see.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
