You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
