youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
