I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
