i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
