She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize