the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
