My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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