I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
