The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
