that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
pop tarts are not kleenex
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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