Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
