he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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