There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
