Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize