So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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