So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
