so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
love makes seman taste better
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
