he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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