she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
