lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
