i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
