how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize