somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
