Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
