Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize