I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
