those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
