Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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