I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
