You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
