Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Pooping to opera.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
