my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
