Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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