Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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