I'm really into asian looking animals
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
