Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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