I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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