Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
