I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
