i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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