You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
