I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
