There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We have so much sex to catch up on
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
