Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
