Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
