i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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