i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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