to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
