Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
