What did we do last night that was yellow?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
