1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
