New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
