it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
