Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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