In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
