I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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