he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
