Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
