My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
