he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize