erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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