Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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