Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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