maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
