forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
