don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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