I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
