I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
