that's an acceptable place to lick
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
