i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
