Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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