There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize