that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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