I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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